The Easy Life

Fuck you and your ability to make me feel like even more of a fat pregnant cow than I already did. That is all.
-me-

Nesting has officially started! My back and feet are killing me but I am determined to get all these bottles, nipples, pacifiers and my pump sterilized and ready for Archers big arrival. My to do list is long and I only have 6 days to get it all done while also resting and spending time with my current only child. If only I could have some espresso to move things along….

Keep trying to tell myself to enjoy this sweet girl as much as I can while she’s still an only child.

I’m having a baby in 9 days!!!! I can’t believe I’m finally in the single digits. I have so much to get done and not enough energy for it all but I’ve been told it will come. Let’s just hope it doesn’t wait too long. This week so far physically I feel as best as I possibly can as a beached whale but I’m on a constant emotional roller coaster. I just keep repeating “9 more days” for now.

A few shots from our recent trip to the Louisville Zoo.

3 years in a row. She’s growing so much and soon may be too big to sit on that elephant statue. I’m gonna go cry now.

Used our gift certificates daddy got us today. Addy got her first manicure and pedicure and went with neon green with sparkles. She’s totally my kid. I however went with a coral color and I’m now wishing I had gone neon too. Next time I’ll just let her pick out my color.

Yesterday the family and I spent the day driving to the Louisville zoo then walking the zoo for the better part of 5 hours. I knew I would have some swelling and would probably hurt but it was worth it for Addy to get her annual zoo trip. However after all the walking and the almost wreck we had( a Volvo ran a red light and I almost T-boned her and the SUV behind me almost rear ended me) I am hurting today. I have some swelling as was to be expected but the lower back/hip pain is awful. I feel the constant need to contort myself into weird positions to stop the pain but nothing is working. it doesn’t seem like sciatic pain but like my hips out of place and Ive pulled a muscle too. Anyone have any tips that might help?

• You stalk/track packages of nursing gear and diaper bags all day waiting for delivery.
• You rip into a box containing a new diaper bag like its a new couture purse. Then squeal in delight.
• Your day is made by finally ordering the going home outfit you’ve searched every store for. Thank you Kohls cash for making it free minus shipping.

It’s the little things.

tomoatmeal:

“Actually, why don’t you let this little old lady go first,” I said to the barista.

“I’m forty,” said the little old lady.

“Well I guess you just have that angry old lady face,” I said with a cheerful grin.  “It’s like when old people are just so exhausted by life that the default position of their face sort of turns into that permanent scowly face.  You know?”

But she was done listening.

After I got my coffee, a woman and her young son approached me.

“It was really nice of you to let that woman go first,” she said.

“Oh I’m no hero!”

“I try to teach my son here about those kinds of manners.”

I laughed and looked at the young boy.

“Take my word for it, young friend.  You do nice things for other people and nice things happen to you.”

I smiled again and took a sip of my coffee.  But the lid popped off and the scalding hot beverage splashed against my face and chest.

I screamed.  “ARRRRRRGGHHHH…..FUCK!  FUCKING SHIT!  OW!”

The boy and his mom recoiled in horror.  It was still burning.  I ran to the center of the mall and dove headfirst into the wishing well.  SPLASH!

When I emerged, there were pennies stuck to my boiled skin.  I opened my eyes and saw a wall of wide-eyed children.

“I’ve stolen your wishes!” I screamed.  “And I’m taking them to hell with me!”

I ran out of the well and into the parking lot, where a minivan ran me over.

“Does this mean my wish won’t come true?” a young boy asked his mother.

She sighed and reached into her purse.  “I don’t know.  Probably not.  Here.  You might want to toss another one in there, just in case.”

The young boy tried again, but his wish didn’t come true.  However, to be fair, it was a stupid, implausible wish.  A live dog that’s also a skateboard?  Come on, man.  You think the weight won’t be hard on his back?

THE END.

Steal all the wishes!!! Ha! LMAO!